Posted by: da_nibbler | February 16, 2009

Litmus Test (aka The L Word episode 6.05)

This week we get fun, hotness and none of Max’s facial hair. Sounds like a promising episode, right? It was.

The breakfast table at The Planet. Bette and Tina are busy on their respective phones, annoying the hell out of everyone around them (and us, the viewers). Tina has big news: JENNY SOLD HER SCRIPT! No one knew she was working on a screenplay. Until two episodes ago neither did Jenny I’m sure. How much time passed between those two episodes? Hollywood sure works helluva lot faster on The L Word than in real life. Write and sell a script (after a bidding war!) in what, two weeks? But more importantly where did the sudden inspiration come from, Miss Schecter? What muse kissed you? Or rather, who was stupid enough to tell you of all people about their own treatment idea? Hmmmm…. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller, I mean Alice? Anyone?

Just to prove my point Tina goes on and on about how Jenny’s new script is different. It’s about this talk show host and this cop! Ring a bell? Yeah, it does for Alice too, who is sitting across from Tina hearing about Jenny selling her idea for $500 000. Guess who’s getting in line to kill Jenny…

…and Jenny must have seen this coming. She can’t be that deluded? Or maybe she can be. Cos I know I wouldn’t have opened my front door to Hurricane Alice rushing in and wreaking havoc. But she did, totally oblivious to what’s going on. You have to hand it to her, no one does faux innocent like Jenny does. For a second I thought Jenny might have a brain tumor or other problems with her memory capacity, just cos of the way she looked at Alice when Alice gave her a rundown of everything Jenny had stolen. I thought I had stumbled upon the reason of Jenny’s death – a brain aneurysm while swimming in the pool. But The Schecter trashes that borderline triumphant feeling and stomps on it with her high heels as she tells Alice “…that jumble of ideas that you gave me?” But she isn’t done yet. We all know how Jenny likes to stick the knife in, but the best part is her twisting it ever so slowly in your back:

“…in no universe would that mish-mash of ideas be considered a sellable treatment. And for your own information, I have been working on a screenplay of my own for the last couple of months and if it happens to bear some resemblance to something that you jotted down then it’s pure coincidence.”

And then the finishing death move:

“…it’s something called the idea well. There is a well. All the writers drink from the same fountain. BUT, it takes genius, talent, craftsmanship to take a kernel of an idea and turn it into a sellable screenplay.”

Alice says what we are all thinking:


That’s the cue for poor, innocent (I can’t believe I use that word in a Shane sentence) Shane walking in on Hurricane Alice demanding to know what the hell is going on now. Alice is more than happy to oblige:

“She’s crossed the fucking line, Shane. She’s fucking crossed it. This is how it’s gonna be. If you continue to shack up with this fucking lying, stealing snake in the fucking grass I swear to God I cannot consider you to be my friend anymore.”

Well , Shane. What shall it be? Fucking crazy Jenny or remaining friends with the friends you had for ages? Would be an easy decision for me.

Hurricane Alice rushes over to The Planet while telling Tina everything over the phone. The phone and face to face conversations mix when she plummets to a chair at Bette and Tina’s table bordering on going nuclear. Bette and Tina have their new headquarters, I mean offices, at The Planet since Bette can’t work from home thanks to their construction crew (I wouldn’t like having to watch sweaty men at work either) and Tina doesn’t feel comfortable at her office anymore thanks to Aaron accusing her of stealing the neg. What happened to Tina? Wasn’t she a big honcho in the studio? And now she lets herself be too “uncomfortable” to go to her own office to work? I know she is a woman, but could she grow some balls? Maybe Bette can show her how she does it every now and then.

Never mind all this negativity going on cos it goes right out the window as soon as Alice gets a text that makes that wonderful smile appear on her face. Hmmm, who just texted her that could have that kind of effect. Tasha? Nope. It was the new girl in town – Jamie. Of course, who else. Everyone is gushing over the new arrival. Everyone other than Helena that is. Oh and me. The mention of Jamie always brings my mind to Helena. And where is Helena? That would be much more interesting than this Jamie stuff that will soon turn into a huge mess anyways if you ask me.

It takes a Bette (aka a woman with balls) to finally say what we have all been yelling at our screens the past few weeks. But Bette doesn’t only say it, she sings it: “Youuuu’re haaaavinnng a thiiiiiirdwheeeeeel cruuuuush.”


Tina agrees, but Alice of course denies it: “…we’re friends.” To which Bette does her best yeah-right-laugh ever and proceeds along with Tina to give her the “telltale signs”:

– You have been dating your partner for quite a while and you’re starting to grow bored with one another.

– You start fighting all the time.

– Then you meet a new person and you hang out all the time. All three of you doing everything together. And it’s just “great”. And this new person revitalizes your relationship, bringing all this energy and excitement into it.

– The syndrome can last weeks, months….up to a year.

– All good as long as it doesn’t “tip“. When one part of the couple falls for the new person.

Thanks for the rundown ladies.

After this fun little intermission I finally get my wish and Helena sits her nice booty down next to Alice, while Bette delivers another one of the best lines this episode: “So you just check yourself before you wreck yourself”, which gives Kit a startled look as she sits down as well. She probably thought that was my line baby sis.

Tina gives the new arrivals the scoop. As soon as Jamie’s name is uttered Helena gets this big grin and everyone else is starting to make fun of Alice’s and Tasha’s infatuation with that new girl. I missed that friendly banter. If only it wasn’t alternated with the craziest Schecter craze ever.


Thanks to Kit’s awesome segway “dangerous business uh uh” the table is informed that Helena is having dinner with Dylan. Anyone say “whaaaaaat?”.


Alice says it best: “Are you on crack?” Did I mention how much I missed the friendly banter over the coffee table? Now let’s finally get rid of Schecter and the world will be alright again. Back to Helena. Everyone thinks her meeting Dylan is a bad idea so Alice comes up with a better one – a test, a test of character. This reminds me of the first season awesomeness when the gang went on a mission “to ascertain the disposition and intent of one Miss Lara Perkins”. Ah, the good old times. Random trivia fact: Bette opens and closes her laptop three times during this scene.

The plan: Get Shane to get Nicki to seduce Dylan to prove to Helena and the gang that she has no ulterior motive. Then get Jenny and her mischievous and twisted mind to impersonate Nicki’s agent and sell the idea to Dylan. Then Dylan has to call Helena cos Nicki wants to meet at Hit Club and she has to make sure that’s going to be okay.

Main problem: Doesn’t Dylan know what Jenny sounds like? Granted, she has been gone for a few years, but would you really fall for something like that? When Spielberg calls you, you assume it’s a prank at first (unless you’re crazy Jenny and have an ego the size of Manhattan). At least I would. Not insinuating that Nicki is Spielberg, but she is the hottest thing in town in L Word land right now. I know I wouldn’t buy it.

Dylan goes for it. “It’s on!” Dawn Denbo would say. This is going to end in a disaster.

Jenny has a little freak out when she finds out that Shane spoke to Nicki (see details of plan above). “You can’t see Nicki, I forbid it.” Shane gives her a weird who-do-you-think-you-are look, tells her there is nothing to worry about but Jenny won’t leave it alone. She is sabotaging her own relationship with Shane by not letting the Nicki topic go. Her constant fear of Nicki coming between them would be unsubstantial if only she would finally stop mentioning the N-word.


On to the next disaster. Bette and Tina are at dinner with Kelly and an artist/man-toy. Kelly can’t help but mention that Bette used to be in love with her and that she has missed her chance at something with Bette. Tina doesn’t quite like what she is hearing and I don’t blame her. As soon as the artist/man-toy leaves thanks to a phone call, Bette tells Kelly to “take it down a notch”. Bette ends up having to take over the phone call, something to do with an art shipment. When she is gone Kelly confides to the artist/man-toy that Bette might be the one that got away. But that’s not enough. To top it all off Kelly asks Tina whether it bothers her that she is flirting shamelessly (at least she acknowledges that fact) with her girlfriend. Tina has a pretty good retort:

“No, no, flirt away. I mean, Bette knows that if she were to ever cheat on me that that would be the end of us. So if it makes you feel scandalous and sexy to tease her with her co-ed crush, have at it.” Insert a big grin at the end to fully bring the point home.”

And to top that one off Aaron and some other Hollywood schmucks just walked into the restaurant. Apparently the congregation means that Tina is fired since she was not invited. Hollywood speak, which I do not speak. Thanks for translating, T.

It is the night of the test and Helena and Kit introduce Alice to their amazing surveillance system, all thanks to voyeur Dawn Denbo of course. “Remind me to never talk shit about you” is all Alice can say after witnessing that you can even hear every single conversation going on in the club. Big brother, or more accurate sister, is watching and listening. I wonder if that is also true for the VIP lounge? Pay tons of money to get into the VIP lounge just so everyone can listen in on your conversation. That’s definitely money well spent. Ouch.

The scene gets more interesting as soon as Shane and Jenny walk in. Alice is in growl-mode as soon as she sees The Schecter. Shane makes the mistake of calling it all a huge misunderstanding, that just sets Alice off.


Before we can get into more detail on that Dylan arrives and all eyes, including the electronic ones, are on her. Nicki arrives shortly after and is let loose on Dylan. Waltzing through the club, meeting and greeting all kinds of people, Nicki makes her way towards Dylan while the gang up in their Eagle Eye positions are munching popcorn. The get-together is happening in a secluded booth, that just happened to be totally empty? That never happens for me, but then again I also don’t know the owner of a club. Nicki goes all out after an initial faux pas and tells Dylan that this is her lucky spot cos just last week she made out with a hot chick right where Dylan is sitting. All Eagle Eyes love what’s happening. All of them, except Helena.


Back at dinner with Bette and Tina, the whole table has decided to hate Aaron and consorts. Tina excuses herself to get some air and you can see it in Bette’s eyes that she will go over there and let Aaron know what she thinks. Poor Aaron, better brace yourself for the Porter-Tornado coming your way. Bette marches over there like a duelist about to kill his opponent. Tina sees that and immediately runs over to intervene and halt the natural disaster that is Bette’s scorn. As the mirky waters are about to clear Aaron has to utter the worst thing possible in that situation: “I am so happy to be done with dykes.” Before Bette can even start Tina steps in and tears him a new one:

“You stupid fucking cocksucker, how dare you sit there with that smug little smile on your face and wine and dine my writers on a project that took me three years to put together. As if you had anything, anything to do with it.”

Then she brings William’s involvement in the theft of the negative to light and tells him (them) that he won’t get away with it. How do you top that awesome rant Tina just gave? Bette manages to do that with just a look.


We’re back to new reality show The Test and Nicki talking about how you win an Oscar, or at least get a nom. You have to play ugly, retarded or lesbian. She brings up Charlize Theron in Monster, Nicole Kidman in The Hours and Sean Penn in I Am Sam. The film buff in me was grinning from ear to ear as she was saying that. Oh Nicki…. The gang is still doing their best impression of watching a film while eating popcorn and talking to the screen as Nicki makes her move and touches a bracelet on Dylan’s arm, asking whether there is someone special. Dylan says there is and I am totally loving the little gestures between Alice and Helena at that point. Small details, but awesome.


Another small detail comes in Nicki’s flirting. Apparently she is “attracted to older women” which makes Jenny shake her head and utter “Fuck you!” while Alice is clearly enjoying herself. But it gets even better. Alice puts down her popcorn and thereby deactivates the whole surveillance equipment. Now that it has gotten interesting between Nicki and Dylan. Damn you Alice. Damn you! Kit has to step in and save the day. The woman who doesn’t know what a text is or how to work her cell phone steps in to save the surveillance equipment and popcorn party by showing her technical expertise? Now we get brainwashing even between episodes, not just between seasons anymore?

The Eagle Eyes are back to the final approach by Nicki and the rebuff by Dylan. Dylan considers it unethical for the director to get involved with the star of their movie. Alice can’t help but say to Jenny: “Guess you didn’t get that memo, huh?” Dylan tells Nicki she is in love with someone, which starts Nicki on her whole “If you want to direct this film…then you are going to come home with me tonight.” Dylan politely declines. Everyone in Big Sisters cheers and squeals. Does anyone seriously think Dylan wasn’t on to this “test”? Come on, she might have been dumb for letting get Helena away, but she ain’t that dumb.

Apparently Dylan is that dumb or just doesn’t care as long as she gets Helena, who goes to meet Dylan. During their conversation Dylan confesses her love to Helena. All Helena does is say “Let’s go somewhere we can talk. This place is not private.” No shit Sherlock. Some of the writing this week really cracks me up.

On the dance floor Nicki is shaking her booty to the beat, Alice, Tasha and Jamie are cruising together and Jenny is going through Shane’s phone hunting for Nicki texts. Shane is resorting to lies now to get five minutes away from Jenny and asks Alice to stall her should she come after her. Welcome Shane on the we-all-know-Jenny-is-fucking-crazy-bandwagon.

Dylan and Helena are over at Dylan’s house reconciling and making up for lost time. The season three hotness has returned. It is one of the few really hot scenes we have been privy to in a very long time. And it’s the first this season where we don’t cut away. The scene is a lot longer than this little paragraph might make it out to be. Enjoy!


After that scene it takes me a while to pay any attention to Nicki approaching Shane outside Hit Club on her smoke (aka Jenny) break. Apparently Nicki misinterpreted Shane showing up that morning asking her to come to the club. Shane apologizes and mentions that she’s with Jenny now. Nicki is really into Shane and even goes as far as saying: “Hey, if it doesn’t work out between you two, you know where to find me.” Awww Nicki….


In Hit Club verbal hits are exchanged between Jamie and Jenny. Welcome Jamie to the ring and not surprisingly in Alice’s corner. It all culminates in Jenny and Alice putting Shane, who just got back from her Nicki encounter outside, on the spot. But she won’t chose sides. Her girlfriend isn’t too happy with that.

Jenny gives Shane shit for not being there when she got cornered “by the three musketeers”. Is Jenny reading my recaps? She is known for stealing ideas. Then she asks Shane whether she fucked Nicki in the bathroom. Oh boy, Jenny….Yet it’s Shane who is apologizing. WTF? They have the whole friendship vs. relationship talk with quite opposing priorities. It’s not going to take long to welcome Shane to the I-want-to-kill-Jenny lineup.

But back to happier topics. Back to Helena and Dylan. They are still busy. With each other. Could Rachel Shelley be any hotter? I don’t think so. My screen agrees with me as I can smell its wires fusing and burning. Here goes another one thanks to Helena-Dylan-hotness. Not that I mind.


Jamie, Tasha and Alice are having a good time on the dance floor now that Jenny is gone. Shane is walking through the haze of her relationship with the crazy Schecter looking for an exit as we fade to black.

What an episode. Definitely more fun in the first half, but great fun at that. Also we finally got a hot sex scene again. That has been missing on this show for quite a while. Tune in next week to find out who is next in line to want to kill Jenny.



  1. I love how you do summaries with the screenshots + caps. I gotta agree that this episode was more promising than most of what we’ve seen this season. :]

    I also think the the blog title “six degrees” is brilliant seeing as you talk about a lot of things.

  2. Thanks for the comment. This was my first recap with screencaps. takes a lot of time, but is more fun to read. 😀

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