It is almost over. Second to last episode – “Last Couple Standing”. I hope there won’t be a shoot-out and next episode will be called Dead Couple Walking.
We’re almost at the finishing line so it’s about time for a dance marathon. Nothing like shaking your booty, especially for a good cause. Bette is just signing up as Alice swaggers over as only Alice can, trying to find out what routine Bette has been working on with Tina. Let the mind games begin. It’s on!
Jenny heard that and immediately zooms in on Bette, wanting to talk privately. Then. The. Bomb. Drops. And Bette is not amused.
Bette gives Jenny a play-by-play of the whole Kelly encounter (see previous recap for details), but Jenny won’t let it go cos “Tina’s [her] friend.” Since when? You call everyone that wants to kill you a friend? Well, you are about to add another, Schecter. Saved by the amazing theme song.
Bette and Tina are backstage getting ready to dance their sexy asses off when Tina has some good news to spill – she was offered a job. Bette is overjoyed, yelling and dancing, calling Tina a “fucking rock star” until Tina spills some more details. Of course the new job, for Focus Features no less (wow), is in New York. Where else could it be? Hasn’t the whole LA vs. NY thing always been a big part of their relationship? Bette, again, is not amused. Alice drops in by removing the curtain from her changing room.
Tina doesn’t want to take the job cos their whole life is in LA. All their friends are there, Bette just opened a gallery and they are rebuilding their house – which brings Alice to talk about the birth mother moving into before mentioned house. She cites the film “Baby Mama” as analogy to their situation, them having to go through what Tina Fey’s character had to in the film. Alice mentions several obstacles until the pen ultimate:
Alice: “… or worse… one of you guys could end up having an affair with her.”
Seems like the two aren’t agreeing with you. I especially love Bette’s zombie eyes.
Bette points out she is “… not some fucking loose cannon that fucks everything that walks, okay. I can be trusted!” Who are you trying to convince, Bette? Alice or yourself?
Everyone is looking hot, sexy and adorable in their get-up.
On stage, Sunset Boulevard walks out to a cheery crowd. Tina approaches sulky Helena in the upstairs VIP lounge, telling her that Dylan loves her. “Then where is she?” That’s what we all would like to know Helena.
On stage Sunset brings up Jamie who introduces the “honorary co-chair” Alice Pieszecki.
Alice gives everyone the run down on what’s happened – the letter, her job loss, saving Marie and meeting Jamie – so everyone knows what the dance marathon is all about. They want to raise $250 000 for the youth center, asking for donors to please come up on stage. Bette jumps at the chance since Jenny is approaching her and Tina. Tina is a bit surprised, but Bette urges her on. Reason enough for a screen cap of these two lovely ladies.
Sunset gives Kit a smitten introduction and he gets something out of it – she asks him to be her dance partner for the evening. High five, man. Way to go.
Helena is ignoring Jenny’s apology as she marvels at Alice’s team consisting of three instead of two. Of course the three musketeers could not be separated by the triviality that are the rules of this dance-a-thon. They are able to get her out of her sulkiness and get her own number to participate. Jamie will dance with her, but I have a feeling she won’t need Jamie as a partner.
Kit and Sunset are still onstage doing their thing as well as pointing out the rules.
Sunset: “If there is no spring in your step… ”
Kit: “… and no funk in your trunk…”
Sunset/Kit: “… you will… be…”
Ref (hopping on stage): “…eliminated!”
Wow, that guy got a full actor’s pay day for saying only one word. Lucky bastard.
And the marathon is a GO! Where is Dawn Denbo with her signatory “It’s on!”?
Bette is dancing with Tina, the three musketeers are dancing with Helena, Shane with her crazy Jenny and Jodi with an unidentified black-haired female. Bette, again, is not amused. I think I have already written this today. Déjà vu. Tina tells her to not let that ruin her night. I feel like someone else has that job already. Where is Jenny? Dancing with Jodi and the unidentified black-haired female. The lines have been drawn.
Bette is just about to tell Tina about the Jenny-thing when Alice crashes their conversation yet again. She has a weird feeling too. About Jamie that is. “Is Jamie acting weird?” Everyone tells her she seems fine, but come on Alice, you are finally on to it. Don’t lose the scent. But she immediately lets it go and swooshes back over to her girlfriend and friend. Bette tries her talk with Tina as Alice swooshes back to them, interrupting her again. Totally being reaffirmed by her awesome friends she finally swooshes away and Bette could get into the whole Jenny fiasco. But now she doesn’t want to anymore. That might come back and bite you in the ass, Bette. “… I’ll tell you later. I just wana have fun.” Grind your bodies to the groove, ladies.
First 15 minute break. Bell rings. Gosh, this all sounds awfully official. DING DING DING Everyone’s running to the bathrooms, where Bette of course has to run into Jodi. Jenny told Jodi about Bette and Kelly and Bette immediately feels the need to clarify the situation to her ex. Unfortunately Jodi has an ace up her non-existent sleeves – Kelly told her it happened too. Take that, Bette. I’m afraid she might get a rifle and shoot Jenny right then and there.
It’s line-dancing time. Shane mentions how sad it is that Bette and Tina are moving to New York. They don’t even know they’re moving to New York so where did Shane get that from? All Alice says is “What?”.
Shane asks about Angie, Jenny asks Bette whether she told Tina, Bette swears at Jenny and Shane begs Bette and Tina to please not leave her here. I wouldn’t want to be left with Jenny either. Get out, Shane, Get out NOW!
Jamie flirts with Tasha, Alice asks Helena whether there is something going on between Tasha and Jamie and asked whether she should be worried Helena answers “Honestly? Yes”. Uh-oh.
Nicki waltzes onto the dance floor, homing in on Shane. Apologizing for running out on her the last time she asks for a second chance. Shane makes a remark that some people are not so good at taking care of others. Might not have been intended as a jab, but it totally came across as one. Well, hun, you send her away in a not very nice fashion. Don’t blame the poor girl. I would have called 911 and stuck around at a safe distance. You’re not as special as people make you out to be, darling.
The bell rings again. It’s competition round. Alice runs into Shane backstage. Jenny got them signed up, but she ain’t too happy about that. Shane doesn’t want to get any shit from Alice about Jenny today. Sunset saves her since Jenny and her are up next.
Backstage Bette and Tina are getting ready as the three musketeers appear. Alice is immediately in competition mode. Her and Bette size each other up.
Alice: “I didn’t know dance fever was back on the air.”
Bette: “Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize Kris Kross was looking for a new member…. Hey Al, nice camel-toe.”
DING DING DING this round goes to Bette. But Bette, really, really? Kris Kross? Not Salt N Pepa? Given your age I would have thought you’d bring up the older pairing. Guess that gives us an idea how old the writer for this episode is. (EDIT: Apparently Salt N Pepa and Kriss Kross were present on the music scene at about the same as I was just told by one of my music encyclopedia friends so never mind what I wrote there. Guess MY age is showing now!)
Each of the fighters, I mean dancers, goes to their respective corners. Tasha points out that all this should be fun. Alice can’t believe what she’s hearing.
Bette asks Tina whether they need to go over their routine again.
Bette: “…are you sure? Because you know what, they got wigs and spandex. This is no fucking joke. We have no idea what they’re capable of.”
Jeez. And here I thought this was only a charity dance-a-thon. No need for WMDs. Seriously.
Jenny can’t help but notice the meaningful glances between Shane and Nicki as our Salt N Pepa musketeers have a little problem – Alice has jitters. Guess her doubts are not about the routine or their looks, Tasha…
Rocking the house with their routine
Bette is getting worried
and sometime during that dance Dylan must have arrived and reconciled with Helena since they are standing together in the crowd having a good time.
Alice is not too happy with their scores since one of the judges only gave them a 5.5.
Bette and Tina seem to like that.
Another bathroom break and someone is taking way too long in one of the stalls. Guess they’re not peeing. As soon as I see Shane I want this scene to be over quickly since I assumed she’d be busy with her girlfriend Jenny. But no need to rush. It’s Nicki, not Jenny. We may linger a bit longer.
Now it’s Bette and Tina’s turn. Not in the bathroom, on stage. And both of them are looking mighty fine I might add.
Super hot dance too
intercut with the Shane-Nicki sex scene and Dylan finally walking up to Helena. Guess that earlier spotted Dylan-Helena pairing in the crowd was an editing mistake or they thought no one would catch it. Either way I am glad to have those two back. Hotness on stage with Bette and Tina
and more hotness in the crowd thanks to Dylan and Helena.
What more could we ask for?
While Bette’s hands are cradling Tina’s body, Shane’s are doing the same with Nicki and Dylan is winning her Helen(a) back. Seems like we have a winner.
Bette and Tina backstage
totally happy with their results. Bette going over to Alice asking “Still friends, camel-toe?” and we reveal yet another contestant couple – Jodi and her unidentified black-haired female partner.
Everyone is staring at Jodi and her partner dancing. Amazing and other superlatives are used to describe them. I don’t see it. Granted, what she does is amazing considering she is deaf, but should that give her an advantage? Shouldn’t she be judged like everyone else? Maybe I just don’t like the song they are dancing too, but I thought Salt N Pepa was better and Bette and Tina hit it out of the park. But guess who wins?
Our ladies are crowding around the buffet table exasperated how someone could get three tens. Yeah, I don’t get it either. Now gimme one of those spring rolls would ya? The real bad news is Tasha and Jamie, and Alice realizing what’s going on.
Nicki is out of the bathroom and back with her entourage in the VIP lounge. One of her bright friends alerts her to someone approaching in a rather genius way:
Genius friend: “Nicki, 12 o’clock. No the other 12. Uh, behind you.”
And here I always though “behind you” is generally referred to as “your six”, but that might just be me – me and the rest of the world. Anyways, The Schecter is approaching and wants to talk. She wants Nicki to auction off a date with herself for the good cause.
Outside Helena and Dylan are busy making up for lost time. They’re having a heart to heart and decide to forget about the past and start new. Cheers to that. Someone bring in, or out, the champagne.
On stage Nicki starts auctioning herself off.
Guess who wins that date with her? Jenny with her crazy, what else, $25 000 bid. Nicki and Shane are not amused. Especially when Jenny walks up on stage, takes the mic and tells Shane and the whole world that she doesn’t have to sneak off and fuck her in a bathroom. Man, that Schecter has eyes and ears everywhere.
Jenny explains her actions to Shane:
Jenny: “Listen. I don’t care. You can fuck whoever you want, whenever you want, fuck Nicki, fuck whoever. I know that you need it. It doesn’t scare me. Because I know you. Okay?”
Okay. Understanding Jenny scares me even more than crazy Jenny. Shane seems to be with me on that.
It’s the next morning, everyone is exhausted. Bette goes backstage to congratulate Jodi, who is packing up her stuff. They have a little chat about what’s been going on and that it’s important to Bette what Jodi thinks of her. Jodi wishes her and Tina the best. Bette leans in for a hug, but chickens out.
Alice asks Jamie whether she has feelings for Tasha.
Bette and Tina arrive at the bus depot, discussing New York again. Bette is gung-ho about it, saying she could also work from New York. When the friends are brought up it takes a bit longer to justify the possible move, but considering them family Tina and Bette leaving LA wouldn’t mean leaving their friends.
Bette: “It’ll be a fresh start.”
Tina: “It’s a new city. It’s gonna be so exciting… oh my god, we have to apply for schools. Like right now. ”
Bette: “I know.”
Right back into family mode. Guess the possible move is a certainty now. Nothing says The Show Is Over like one of the main couples leaving town. Leaving the crazy Schecter behind would be enough reason for me. But then again, she will be dead soon so don’t put a deposit down on a new house just yet.
At Hit Club Sunset, without his drag, is taking to the stage to forever win over the lady of his heart with one helluva major confession:
Sunset (out of drag): “Now most of you know me as Sunset Boulevard. (GASP) But my real name is Sunny Benson. And I’m a straight man who loves this gay and lesbian family. (applause) And I hope you can still accept me.”
Of course we can, man. And Kit too. Right after she gets over the fact that you lied to her and considers you a con man. He points out he never said he was gay and thanks to his get-up Kit just assumed. But she has a hard time getting over the fact that she told him so much intimate stuff. He asks her out to dinner and I think I heard a muffled “okay” from Kit. I’m sure he did too or he wouldn’t have that grin on his face.
At the bus depot Bette and Tina are excited to welcome their birth mother, but she is a no show. The baby dreams are over.
But how hot does Bette look in those fuck-me-boots?
Tasha and Alice finally talk about the Jamie situation, while desperately holding on to each other on the dance floor.
Alice: “I want you to know I … I’ve never loved you more. And I want you to be happy. So do you want to be with Jamie?”
Tasha: “I don’t… I don’t know…”
Alice: “It’s okay.”
Tasha: “I’m not ready to let you go.”
“Ladies and Gentlemen, we have our last couple standing.”
One more episode to go. Let the nailbiting begin.
Six Degrees... of everything 
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